You don’t win on emotion. Rather on exection.
As today begins for me and i start to study in this big ole house by myself i can reflect on me and the struggles i face day in a day out with out the bottle. Since being released from prison in October 2013 and being home i find my patience with my children ( that a daughter 14 and three that are 12 another daughter and two boys! yes TRIPLETS) is a struggle i have a hard time with the teen and preteen years. Through Celebrate Recovery i am learning to cope but i still need to work i this and catch my self sooner. I have two years sober now and i know the bottle will not help anything nor fix it. In fact that is gonna make everything spiral out of control and i have learned that i have to accept life on life’s terms man is this a struggle. Not only does this cause conflict with my kids it also includes my wife. Let me tell you a bit about her she is an amazing mother,wife all around person in whole she has the most patience of any one i know. She and i are high school sweethearts and after years of drinking and getting on planes and traveling all around the country for work and leaving her and our kids home with out me and out drinking every night and telling her i was not getting in more trouble with the law in different states and call her every time and she came and rescued me. Man if that isn’t love.! Well then i get in more trouble (read my blog of how i found sobriety) this time there was no buying my way out i was facing a prison term and she stood by me the whole time every weekend visiting with the kids for 18 months. She is great and i am great full for her and we addicts do not appreciate things until we lose them and take for granted what we have. Well let me say i have it all i have a nice big house on some land (that thanks to my wife we where able to keep and not lose because of my addiction) great family and a cool dog we have the american dream and i almost pissed it away. She is the glue that holds us me together. Well i guess i will just keep on praying and working on me.This is a struggle that i have since sobriety and it hurts. They say that when we get sober we go back to where we began and that is when we stopped aging. Man does that mean i am back in teenage years? i try to work this out and hope i continue to improve. Slow and Easy keep on ……. Thanks for reading
( comments or prayers welcome)
Sobriety some times hits me like some photos i see. I mean i see these photos and wonder if i would have not wasted some much time in the bottom of the bottle could i have been there? Well i don’t ever forget where i came from or who i am but i some times wonder what did i miss out on. Sobriety was the best thing for me and i always say “Slow and Easy” ” One Day at a Time”
I hit rock bottom. But thank God my rock bottom was not death.
Today is a new day, A new day sober all one like me can do is think positive,tell myself “I will not drink today” and move forward with my day. I have to save some days are a struggle, Not so much the wanting to drink ( as far as that goes i don’t want a drink). But the daily struggles of being an adult,parent,brother,son,and a husband. Hell i have lived in a haze so long i did not know any different and know with 2 years of sobriety i can see the things i forgot or neglected in life and let me say i missed my kids growing up i missed alot and looking back threw sober eyes damn where was i. I was swimming in the bottom of that bottle of whiskey and there was no room for any one else. What a selfish way to be. just the other day my little sister said she likes the new me and would not change me now for any thing because now she ” has her brother back” i was drunk for so long and all the time that she did not remember me as a sober person. Well i say this just take it one day at a time “SLOW AND EASY” and work for it and it will come. I enjoy the new me and the best thing i did was put that bottle out of my life…
No one ever said that life was easy, And man let me tell ya sobriety is not easy at all, But to the alternative i will take life on life’s terms. i Have 2 years of clean and sober from alcohol now and after a 18 month prison term,consoling,reading the aa big book,working thru Celebrate Recovery steps and with the help of my church and family i still could not help but to break down the other day.
For the first time i picked up the phone and called my good friend and sponsor that has been there with me threw all the trials and tributes, watch me fall flat on my face and try again and never give up on me. He explained to me that we all go on “the high cloud of sobriety” for about 18 months and then we realize life is not what we remember and we get the emotions and the fighting with god the cursing everyone but the one thing we need to remember is” Don’t forget where we where and where we came from and to where we are now” And ya know what it got threw to me that this is life. I have been hiding it in the bottom of a bottle of Jack Danial’s for so long that it finally started to sink in and for this i say today i am no longer prideful and that i can reach out for help and know that an grown man can cry and weep and no one will look any different at you. I am thankful for the positive people in my life my sponsor,family and church community.. So i leave with this be thankful if you have no addiction,be greatfull if you are recovering and always no matter what cherish what you have. And who you share it with……
Today is a new day sober and healthy living one day at a time”slow and easy”
Prayer for Serenity
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to know the difference to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
On October 28, 2011 my life came to a screeching halt. This day began like all other. I was on my way to the job site at about 6:30 am. On the way of course, I was already tipping the bottle and stopping for another. I got to my first job and started working and while I was there, my wife had called and could tell I had already started drinking. She tried to tell me what would happen if I got another DUI. She said I would end up in prison and I just blew her off and kept on working. I had two more jobs that day and somewhere between finishing the first bottle and starting the second, I skipped one job and got lost going to the other. I made it to the final job that day about 11:30 am and was I loaded. I finished up there and left for home. I was in Warren Michigan and I had an hour and half drive home so I took off.
The rest of this story is off of the police report because I was so drunk that I don’t really remember anything until I was booked into the county jail. On I-96 right around Novi, Michigan the police, received the first call regarding my reckless erratic driving. I had rammed into vehicle and kept going. The Michigan State Police issued a BOLO ( which is Be On The Look Out ) on my vehicle and right about then they got three more calls that I had hit or rammed more vehicles. Now keep in mind I only know this by reading a police report and through out the court proceedings. So about now it is 12:50 pm and I am almost to the US-23 and I-96 interchange and I headed north on US-23. That is where the first state police cars started following me and after numerous police cars joined in the chase I made it about 8 more miles to the center median on the North bound side of US-23 right at the M-59 exit. They tried many times to get me to exit the vehicle and only after force where they able to arrest me.
By now my wife was calling me and I was not answering. I was in the state police post waiting to be transferred to the Livingston County Jail. She had to locate me by tracking my phone and found it was in the impound yard. After calling them and the Michigan State police, she was able to find out about the mess that I had created. This was my third DUI and I also received a resisting and obstructing law enforcement. Both are felonies in the State of Michigan and carry a prison term.
After going through the court system again and again, I knew they were not going to go easy on me this time. The judge, after a plea agreement, gave me 18 months in Michigan Department of Corrections, and 5 year suspension on my drivers license. I also added two felony’s to my record that will stay with me for life. I have fines and restitution that will add up to the price of a small car.
On April 5, 2012 I was sent to prison. This is not a place that any one wants to be. I went in with the attitude to do what I needed to do and get home. I completed my GED in October 2012 and held a job the whole time I was in prison. The pay was 1.54 a day for 7 hour shift. My stay in prison allowed me to be sober for the first time in many years. I was released on October 2, 2013 and part of my release is to report to a Parole officer and where a SCRAM tether that monitors for alcohol in my system. I will have the tether until April 2, 2014 and my parole will continue until January 2, 2015.
This was the final straw for me. I knew I had enough. I threw my hands up and promised myself that I will not drink again. I can not go through life like this. Every weekend while in prison, my wife would load our four children up and drive the two hours to Adrian Michigan where I was incarcerated. After a 45 minute search process, they could spend the day with me. What a way to learn a lesson. By no means am I perfect, nor do I want to be, I just want to survive and live my life sober with my family. I will have two years of sobriety at the end of February. I now live for the day and cherish what I have and what I almost threw away. I live my life “slow and easy”. By attending the Celebrate Recovery program and the support of my family and friends, I can accomplish this.
This has been a humbling experience in my life and I have learned a lesson the hard way. I thank the Lord everyday that no one was hurt or killed by my actions that day. It is time for the new chapter in my life .”The Sober Me “. So far I have been able to accomplish sobriety and I will continue on and try to educate people about the dangers of drinking and driving. This is my story.